Who I am?

So my imaginary blog readers do you remember the movie Clueless, with Alicia Silverstone and how she has this big inner monologue moment where she finally realizes what she actually wants and stuff. I want one of those. I know that life isn't supposed to be easy and that I need to stop worrying so much and all that but it doesn't work that way. I feel like I'm always changing who I am to fit who I'm with that's why I like the name Chameleon: it fits. If I'm with people who swear then I don't tell them how much it bugs me, if I'm with people telling disgusting jokes I laugh even when I don't want to, if I'm with people who are, well more innocent then me, then I censor myself. When in reality: if you swear then all I want to do is slap you, if you tell gross jokes I want to ask what is wrong with you, while I'm pretending to be innocent I just want to be me. I think the real problem is I'm not sure who me is so I try to be like everybody else; Here is what I do know: I love my family, I feel left out all the time, I'm jealous of my sisters, I miss my dad, I miss LaShelle Dezey and Amanda, I want to show my writing, I might want to be a teacher, most of my stories start with me daydreaming about my life being different but I can't use my name so I make one up, how I feel is revealed a lot less in what I say then in what I don't say or what I write, I think I look ugly and stupid, my biggest worry about LaShelle doing my hair wasn't that she wouldn't do a good job it wasn't even my words that I kept remembering it was from a book but it summed up my fears pretty good "if you put a peacocks tale on a sparrow it's still a drab ugly nobody little sparrow", I'm jealous of the relationships that other people seem to have so effortlessly, I want to be liked, I don't think I am, and I'm scared. That is me and I want to just scream and tell people that I am who I am and to deal with it but I can't even deal so how can I ask others to?