Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

Wow it's been a while. Everything just seems to be moving at high speed and apparently I keep blinking. My family reunion is soon, I'm excited yet at the same time I don't want it to happen. I guess thats how I feel about my whole life at this point: completely at odds with myself. my senior pictures are this week, I'm extremely scared for them but my cousin is going to come over and help me get ready. You know sometimes I have no idea why I post on here, nobody but me reads it. I think that somewhere in my head I have this idea that if I type it on my blog and I have all this anonymity then I fit somewhere because I don't fit enough in my real life. I know that it is completely ridiculous and everything. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you: I got chapter historian for the FFA it means I get to make the scrapbook. sometimes I just want to run from it all. Mom bought some swimming suits the other day, none of them fit. She said that we should start walking, all I wanted to tell her is that I do exercise and even though I haven't been eating (okay there I admitted it: even when I'm hungry I try not to eat) I'm just getting bigger! I am so sick of it, I know that I'm never gonna be as skinny as Amanda or Lashelle or Dezey but I don't want to be this way anymore. I just want to be done with it all.