Has it really been that long?

Since my last post here's what I've been up to: I graduated (yay!!!!!) I know that tons of people graduate every year but I worked my butt off to do it and I'm going to celebrate that. Honestly nothing could have prepared me for how weird it would feel sitting there with my class knowing that high school was over. I am slightly entertained though that my friends who said we would all stay in touch and be the people that were still friends at high school reunions have pretty much ignored me. I've talked to ONE of my close friends. The girl who said she was my best friend hasn't spoken to me since graduation. And no I haven't even tried talking to her, at this point I'm of the opinion that she can try for once. Also I think some people are less annoying in person, there are a couple of people I've texted a bit and some of them seem really snobby in texts or on facebook, it's weird. I went on a date....*Gasp*.....sorta....maybe....I think. Does it count if your not sure that the guy realized it was a date? and also if your with your sister? Trisha wanted to meet this guy (let's call him Kyle) because I've told her about him and she thought he sounded awesome. and I was all for her meeting Kyle because she started to think that she might like her ex again and I can't stand him. So anyways she wanted to go out with him but she didn't want to do it alone and being her she decided that we would double her with him and me with the guy I've liked for about a year now and who I swear is going to drive me insane. You have no idea how persistent my sister can be and eventually I gave in and texted Kyle asking him out for her (figuring if he said he couldn't I'd be off the hook) and by the way this was extremely awkward because I used to like Kyle...and he knows that I used to like him...but he's a sweetheart and said he'd go out with my sister, fast forward to a week later and Trisha has been bugging me to ask my guy (what name to use for him....let's go with Taylor) and finally she steals my phone and types the text and sends it. And he replies (if you have any idea how often he doesn't reply you'd be shocked too) and he asks when we would do it and then before we could reply he goes "I can't do it this weekend obviously" (it was a Saturday night and he had just gotten his wisdom teeth out) and then another one "how about next Saturday?" we ended up doing it the weekend between Christmas and New Years (yes this was just a couple of weeks ago, I graduated first) Trisha and I were picking the guys up and paying (partially because they didn't know where we were going and partially because that's what my mom told me you do when the girl asks. So first of all we misjudged the time it would take to get from Trisha's to Kyle's and left way to early and sat in the Target parking lot playing cards (because yes I carry a deck of cards in my purse) then we went and picked up Kyle and the three of us joked on the way to Taylor's (because yes Kyle knows I like Taylor) and then I went up the door and got him and...oh my gosh my face is going red just thinking about it, that's how embarrassed I was. We walk back to the truck and he get's in first and then he held out his hand to help me in but I was already halfway in and I wasn't paying attention. so we all talk and stuff as we're heading to the bowling alley (cause we were going bowling) and we get there and we start and it was super fun and it wasn't really awkward but I felt awkward if that makes sense. and all three of them had fun teasing me because yeah I'm easy to tease. and there were a bunch of different things I could tell you but I'm only going to tell you about two of them. First: it was some dude's birthday so they wished him a happy birthday over the speakers and then Taylor was threatening to go tell them it was my birthday (it wasn't, just so we're clear it wasn't my birthday) but I kinda just blushed and rolled my eyes because my older brothers threaten to do that all the time and so I went up and bowled and I came back to the table and all of a sudden I hear "We'd also like to wish a Happy Birthday to Erica." He had actually told them! and then the next time he went to bowl he looks at me and goes "this is for you birthday girl" what a weirdo right? Second: I was bowling and after my turn Taylor was standing there with his arms out and it was weird...eventually I realized he was waiting for me to hug him. yep oh and Trisha and Kyle had a lot of fun teasing me saying that he was showing off and crap like that. So eventually they kicked us out of the bowling alley and we took the boys home and I walked Taylor to his door and said bye and Trisha and Kyle both got mad at me for not hugging him goodnight. Yep That is about the extent of my boy experience and now Taylor is acting all weird. I don't get boys! Yep so those are the two main things that have happened since I last posted

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

Wow it's been a while. Everything just seems to be moving at high speed and apparently I keep blinking. My family reunion is soon, I'm excited yet at the same time I don't want it to happen. I guess thats how I feel about my whole life at this point: completely at odds with myself. my senior pictures are this week, I'm extremely scared for them but my cousin is going to come over and help me get ready. You know sometimes I have no idea why I post on here, nobody but me reads it. I think that somewhere in my head I have this idea that if I type it on my blog and I have all this anonymity then I fit somewhere because I don't fit enough in my real life. I know that it is completely ridiculous and everything. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you: I got chapter historian for the FFA it means I get to make the scrapbook. sometimes I just want to run from it all. Mom bought some swimming suits the other day, none of them fit. She said that we should start walking, all I wanted to tell her is that I do exercise and even though I haven't been eating (okay there I admitted it: even when I'm hungry I try not to eat) I'm just getting bigger! I am so sick of it, I know that I'm never gonna be as skinny as Amanda or Lashelle or Dezey but I don't want to be this way anymore. I just want to be done with it all.

thinking

So I know it's kind of early but I'm trying to make the transition from "high school thinking" to "college thinking." Also I've been thinking a lot about how our lives influence others. I think some people would be surprised at how they've shown up in my writing (or my blogging.) Did the boy sitting by me realize I didn't like him getting all the attention, do my family and friends realize how alone I feel. Is my FFA chapter aware that they are in my thoughts. And with all that: is somebody thinking about me. How many times a day are we in somebody elses thoughts when we don't even know about it. What about the times when you see or read about "somebody" how often is that somebody you? We constantly go through life interacting with people but we never really think about the effect those interactions can have on a life.
Think about this:
your 13 years old and your best friend just asked somebody out. How do you feel about it? Why? Who is your best friend, are you secretly crushing on them, or does it just leave you feeling like a twin abandoned you. Why do you feel about this. Keep going until you resolve the problem somehow.

Are things looking up?

So I've finally started on the infamous college search. I'm looking for a college in Colorado or Wyoming primarily but I'm not ruling out Nevada, Texas, and Washington (though my mom thinks I should)it is nerve wracking and I am really nervous. Also I am trying for a Provo FFA officer spot in the 2011-2012 year. I am so nervous about it that sometimes I can't breathe. I'm a YCL for girls camp and my mom has a boyfriend. He is a great guy and he really cares about my mom. I also would like to compete in the CDEs (Career Development Events) this year (for FFA) in Ag communications but I need a team of five people and so far I have.........me, so I need four people to commit to doing this with me. We tried having a birthday party for Mr. Day today and he took so long getting back from lunch that his class was banging on the door (we were told not to let anybody in and the door was locked.) and one girl just walked in (while we were letting a member in) and then got into a pissing contest with some of our girls. I emailed LaShelle today after not talking for weeks and I asked if she wanted to do a photoshoot with me for my senior pics. Obviously she hasn't replied. I went shooting for my dad's birthday this weekend and got to shoot a 22 with a lock open mechanism. Then I asked my brothers for a gun for my birthday (they told me no) I know that I could have a very long and hard road ahead of me but I am so willing to try. I just want to be happy and if it means working my but off then I will.

Who I am?

So my imaginary blog readers do you remember the movie Clueless, with Alicia Silverstone and how she has this big inner monologue moment where she finally realizes what she actually wants and stuff. I want one of those. I know that life isn't supposed to be easy and that I need to stop worrying so much and all that but it doesn't work that way. I feel like I'm always changing who I am to fit who I'm with that's why I like the name Chameleon: it fits. If I'm with people who swear then I don't tell them how much it bugs me, if I'm with people telling disgusting jokes I laugh even when I don't want to, if I'm with people who are, well more innocent then me, then I censor myself. When in reality: if you swear then all I want to do is slap you, if you tell gross jokes I want to ask what is wrong with you, while I'm pretending to be innocent I just want to be me. I think the real problem is I'm not sure who me is so I try to be like everybody else; Here is what I do know: I love my family, I feel left out all the time, I'm jealous of my sisters, I miss my dad, I miss LaShelle Dezey and Amanda, I want to show my writing, I might want to be a teacher, most of my stories start with me daydreaming about my life being different but I can't use my name so I make one up, how I feel is revealed a lot less in what I say then in what I don't say or what I write, I think I look ugly and stupid, my biggest worry about LaShelle doing my hair wasn't that she wouldn't do a good job it wasn't even my words that I kept remembering it was from a book but it summed up my fears pretty good "if you put a peacocks tale on a sparrow it's still a drab ugly nobody little sparrow", I'm jealous of the relationships that other people seem to have so effortlessly, I want to be liked, I don't think I am, and I'm scared. That is me and I want to just scream and tell people that I am who I am and to deal with it but I can't even deal so how can I ask others to?

childrens story 1 draft1

hatching eggs
Justin is just a normal boy until friday nights when his babysitter comes over and introduces him to a new world. Elllie is just a normal teenage girl unless she's babysitting then she gets to be a kid again. Two ordinary kids teach us all that anybody can take an ordinary night and make it magical
Justin Scott sat on the couch pouting, he didn't want his parents to leave. He had to stay home and have a babysitter his parents just laughed when they looked over at him./ A knock sounded on the door and Ellie was let in she was the new neighbor and when Mr and Mrs Scott had learned that she was a babysitter they decided to go out. Justin blamed her for his parents leaving. Justin didn't move once while Ellie talked to his parents./ After they left Ellie smiled at Justin but when he just sank deeper into the couch she knew that she would have to try something else./ walking over to the sliding door Ellie gasped, "Why didn't you tell me Justin?" Justin couldn't help himself he answered her "didn't tell you what?" "You have dragon eggs in the backyard!" Justin ran to the back door but didn't see anything/ Ellie opened the door and went outside, Justin followed her, she stopped at a collection of big rocks "These are huge. They're gonna hatch any day" /Justin frowned "what are you talking about, these are rocks" Ellie looked down at him "you don't see it? the smootheness of it the way that the you can almost feel it breathing." as Ellie kept describing what a dragon egg was like Justin started to see it too he could even feel it breathing then all of a sudden the egg started shaking/ "Whats happening Ellie." "I think the eggs are starting to hatch" Justin looked around "But where are their parents? What if they forgot them? Ellie whats gonna happen to them if their parents don't come home?" /Ellie got down in front of him "Don't worry Justin Dragons leave to go and get their babies food and things like that but they always come back, they love their babies and would never leave them forever. If the eggs hatch before the parents get back we could watch them." "Do you know how to watch baby dragons?" Ellie laughed "its a lot like babysitting. We can do it" /The eggs started shaking even more "Ellie I think they're hatching!" after he said it one of the eggs made a big cracking sound a little flat head popped out followed by a tall neck the other eggs hatched too but while the first had been blue one of these was green and one was red/ they all climbed out of the eggs showing round little tummys and extra long tales. Justin laughed at them, the dragons got up and started playing./ "look at them, they know that their parents will be back." justin did see/ he got up dragged Ellie with him and started playing with the dragons- they played dragon hide and seek,- dragon go fish---- in the middle of a game of dragon tag the three dragons cried out they had gotten their tales tangled up/ Ellie and Justin helped to untangle them and when they started to play again Ellie stopped Justin ran up and tagged her "your it Ellie. Whats wrong?" "what? Oh nothings wrong but look Justin" she pointed to the sky "I don't see anything"/ "you don't? You don't see anything flying towards the house." then Justin saw it two big things flying towards the house as they got closer he could see that they were two huge dragons. "their parents! they came back!"/ as the dragons landed and reunited with their children Ellie and Justin watched after they left Justin looked at his house and saw lights coming into the driveway. "Mom. Dad"/ Justin ran in the house and hugged his parents when they walked in./ Ellie got ready to leave and before she went she smiled at the big rocks in the backyard. /After she was gone Justin asked his parents "is she coming over again next week?" His mom laughed "we'll ask" Justin couldn't wait for their next adventure. It would be as fun as this one.

post

Hey I haven't posted in a while (I couldn't think of anything) so I found something first Anna had a baby second Abby is in town again this is the second time this year. She is taking Cinderella back with her cause Cinderella dropped out of school, I always feel like an outsider, like I just don't quite belong with this close fun happy loving family. I'll post more later, see ya

FFA

Hey everybody,
I am a member of the FFA which is the Future Farmers of America. Our chapter isn't very big but we are going to try and change that, I'm basically using this blog post as an idea board that I can bounce off of. I am trying to think of ways that I can improve the chapter and ways that the chapter can improve in general. although my ideas will be random anybody else who has an idea can post as a comment. Here is a quesion to get your thought process started: What is stopping you from joining? Some of my ideas are a website for our chapter and a scevenger hunt for National FFA week in February a big long one with new things everyday. I can't think of anything else right now and my sub is giving me the evil eye so bye.

Shouldn't I know things like this?

I remember a couple of years ago at Christmas grandma was taking all of her grandchildren to build-a-bear workshop to make a bear, Charity couldn't come. Before we went in the store Lashelle and I talked she told me about problems she was having and I listened. Now I don't have any idea what is going on with her she was anorexic and nobody ever told me, I suspected just because she is tiny and wasn't eating. Shouldn't a friend know these things? Shouldn't a cousin know these things? I love her so much and I have no idea what is going on in her life, same goes for Dezey she moved out of Jessica's and I have no idea why, I can't mention it because if I say the wrong thing then everybody will get mad. For a while I really thought that Deezey and I were going to be close and now I haven't talked to or heard from her in weeks. I haven't talked to Mourn in forever either. Everytime I think I've found a good friend in my family something happens and it's like nope Erica just kidding. It wouldn't bug me so much if it weren't for the fact that for the most part my family is my friends, I don't have many other ones. I know that I get on people's nerves so I try not to I tried giving Amanda space and where that left me was needing a friend and my mom giving me the third degree. Amanda Dezey and Lashelle are all so important to me and I think they are so amazing I feel like it's my fault that I've lost them like if I were better they would still be here. That's always how I feel in everything, if I was: smarter, faster, funnier, thinner, cuter, nicer, worldlyer, just better then things would be different and maybe I would be happy. If I was a better friend than maybe Amanda, Dezey and Lashelle would actually tell me things and I would actually know them. Shouldn't I know these people if for no other reason than jsut because they are my family? How can a person with such a huge family be so alone?

AAAH

So I realized that I haven't posted anything that matters in a while so here goes.
You remember my post about camping and the go cart starting on fire and me crying well a couple of weeks ago I was at my grandma's and my little brother "D-rock" was riding my grandma's mower (obviously it was a riding mower) and then it ran out of gas and so we went into my mom and she told me to go fill it up with gas and I told her I wasn't going anywhere near that thing with gas and so she went and filled it up and came and told me to mow the front lawn so I slowly walked outside and to the mower I started it and rode it to the side of my grandma's house, then I went in teh house handed D-rock the keys and said you can do it then my mom said that he didn't have enough experience to do the front yard (he has mowed that back lawn twice while as I have done it once and that once I ran over a hose) so I take the keys and walk outside I sat on the lawnmower and started crying I was so scared then apparently my mom noticed that there wasn't sound coming from out front cause she comes and finds me tells me to get off and then she starts mowing the lawn later my brother calls and asks her what she's doing she says she's mowing the lawn cause Erica is to lazy to do it. I was crying because I was so scared and she thinks that I'm just being lazy. nobody actually realizes how terrified I was when that go cart started on fire. Then the other day I was at my house cleaning the back yard when the subject turned to bikinis now I am against bikinis in general but they were talking about my mom getting one which is disturbing on many levels a few of which I will tell you now besides the fact that I don't like bikinis in general thinking about my mother getting one is upsetting for no other reason than the fact that she's my mom! I think the thing that really made me mad that day though is this: my mom can wear a bikini and I can't she's had seven kids and yet me, who has been excersicing like crazy and not eating much (not that I'm trying to become anorexic or anything I just don't have any appetite lately) I have gained weight. I can't even be happy lately the only things that make me happy are reading and playing with/holding my neice (who I don't see very often) I haven't even written anything recently. The person that I text the most is my mom and that is because she tells me to clean stuff I haven't really texted anybody other than my mom for more than a week. I haven't seen or talked to my dad in months and missed my family reunion. I miss my step mom but can't go see her because I get fed up of everybody who is with her, I added one of my poems to a discussion and everybody in the discussion told me it was horrible. I just want to escape, get away from all this stupud crap (which also annoys me because Charity who dropped out gets to move to Texas) On top of all that I keep daydreaming about HSM4 and them having a contest, because they want to give young writers a chance, to write HSM4 (of course in my dream I win and honestly I don't think my idea is that bad but who knows I've been wrong about everything else I think) the weird thing is my ideas for HSM have been pretty close to what they end up doing (minus the me having something to do with it.) I want to end all of this junk and I don't know how to.

Only The Good Spy Young

So I read only the good spy young and it was amazing and I can't wait till somebody finishes it so that I can discuss it so.....DON'T READ THIS PART UNLESS YOU HAVE READ ONLY THE GOOD SPY YOUNG! Just exit this page, Now! Though feel free to somehow ask me to borrow GG4.

AAAAAAAHHHHHH Zach's mom is in the circle ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!!!! and Cammie runs away without Zach (from what I gathered). Mr. Solomon was also in the circle and now he's dead and Mr. S is in a coma. Zach is going to the Gallagher Academy because He is now an enemy of the circle and his mom and can't go back to blackthorne cause It's a school for assassins! Zach's mom told Cammie that they didn't want to kill her (which I think is true) and that they were going to make her remember some things and take her to her dad (which I think is partly false) oooh idea maybe they don't want to take her to her dad they want to use her to lure her dad out of hiding so that they can kill him. Townsend uses Cammie to try and lure out Mr. Solomon so it isn't any surprise that the circle would use Cammie to get her dad. Oh and the Loch ness monster is real. Mr. Solomon is so awsome in this book, in this one more than the others you can tell that he loves her. He was willing to get caught to tell her to follow the pigeons, and he was willing to tell the circle stuff to save her and (to what I think is a lesser extent) Zach. In a way I am glad that the traitor turned out to be Mr. Solomon (who happened to not actually be a traitor) I was to worried that it would be Liz or Macey and in the beginning of the book I was worried about it being Bex and her family (which is weird, subconsciously I would rather have it be them then Solomon) I can't think of anything else at the moment when I do I'll either edit this or post them as a comment. Oh by the way apparently not only the good spy young

Story #1 Vanessa

Story # 1
 
“I can’t believe Amber is dead, not now she was twenty years old and had her whole life ahead of her” at least that’s what the people getting up and talking were saying, I knew the truth though. She wasn't dead, I was standing there playing the part of the grieving friend and accepting condolences I understood that they felt the need to apologize and they chose me and my best friend Amanda. Only we knew the truth that she wasn’t dead but kidnapped and held hostage they figured saying she died would stop people from looking for her and finding out what she knew, I thought about the two girls who were closer than sisters to me, Amanda and Amber are both certified genius’s we had been friends since we were little and they got teased for being smart while I got teased for being quiet I’ll never forget the day I saw these two genius girls come up to me though I was a year younger and tell the girls bugging me to back off and they then proceeded to use quite a few big words that the other girls thought were insults, at first I thought that it was directed at me until Amanda looked straight at me and told me that someday I would show all the people who had ever put me down. Amber then looked at me and said that from that day on they would help me to show them, and it was true we were inseparable they would tutor me in school and I would tell them about myself. I frequently said it wasn’t a fair trade but they wouldn’t here of it, eventually I stopped trying to talk them out of it and pretended that I was okay with how unfair it was. Then as I stood next to her grave after everyone else had filed away to go to the luncheon Amanda and I prepared, rain started falling starting at a drizzle and becoming a true Texas storm. I couldn’t help but shed a few tears for the friend I know deep down was alive and I remembered the last funeral I was at where it was raining three months before, my grandfather’s funeral. I had the same detached feeling then like I was watching some one else kneeling down at the grave and sobbing until Amanda and Amber came and helped her back to her feet. I couldn’t believe he was gone dead never to help me through the difficulties in life again. A noise behind me brought me out of my reverie.
As I approached my best and last true friend I felt as if the laptop in my hands was becoming heavier. A couple feet away Vanessa whirled around “Oh it's you! Don't sneak up on me like that” She said surprised. through the rain I could see she had been crying, her eyes were red. When her words registered I went on the defense immediately “Well if you weren't just standing out here in the rain by yourself maybe this wouldn't have happened. Are you forgetting they would have gotten her alone?” the fire that briefly appeared in her ocean eyes extinguished “your right, I'm sorry. Neither of us has gotten much sleep lately and I guess tempers are running high.” Oh I missed that fire seeing it again reminded me how much we actually lost. Until we solved the puzzle we couldn't get any of it back. Thinking about that made me ignore my frustration for a while and look at the laptop that could possibly be key to everything. Obviously Vanessa noticed a change since she looked at the laptop as well “Is that” she couldn't even finish the sentence, she didn't have to. I knew what she meant and we both knew the answer. “Yes it's Amber's” she still looked disappointed like she had hoped by some miracle it wasn't the same laptop we had seen Amber pack around since she got it. “I...I” she took a deep breath and started again “what does it say” I couldn't help but say the first thing that came to mind “A lot” Vanessa glared at me “no duh, she's a super genius I mean that has to do with her 'death'” I could tell she was anxious to get all this over with, which made it that much harder to say what I had to “It's a puzzle just like we thought, we need to solve it to get all this over with and” I was nervous to say it “to find out what happened to your grandfather.” “My grandfather got in to deep. He should have stopped, we should stop.” Her voice broke on the last part. I tried to console her “It'll be okay. Amber was close to cracking it, we just need to” “No!” Vanessa cut me off “I am not keeping myself awake at night wondering if I'll be next, I can't do it” In the instant before she wiped her tears I saw the girl that she hid from the entire world except her grandfather and I silently cursed him for getting us all involved in this and for leaving such an amazing girl alone. I regretted that I would have to involve her more but I needed to and I knew just how to do that. “yeah so you are going to let these people get away with this. You and your stupid grandfather got us into this in the first place. Do you realize that Amber would still be here if it wasn't for that, do you care about her at all?” I kept wanting to say 'gotcha' but I knew I couldn't “of course I care, maybe she and I aren't as close as you two geniuses but that doesn't mean I don't think of her as a sister” I knew my words had struck the intended nerve. Vanessa was hurt. I kept my mouth closed until the urge to apologize left, I couldn't, I needed her to help and if it took making her feel mad and guilty then that's what I'd do. I needed her, she would never realize how important she was to Amber and I.
“If you cared you wouldn't be ignoring this, you would help me get her back” Amanda's words cut like a knife. I knew if I didn't help those words would haunt my dreams, I didn't need more of that so I took a deep breath and replied “okay you win I'll help, but why do you need me your the super genius and I got you into this mess remember.” Amanda didn't waste time with the formalities of making me feel better “For one thing Amber put a voice activated lock on the files we need to access and somehow she got it to be your voice.” I couldn't believe it why would she want it to be my voice, I couldn't do any good. Then it registered, that was probably the exact reason: I wasn't a threat. Amanda grabbed my arm leading me to the car. “come on it's freezing out here and I don't want to short out the laptop with the rain” I didn't know if that was possible but then again Amanda was smarter than me. As I drove out of the cemetery she started the computer. “Now what would Amber put as a password that you would know” It only took me a second to realize what it was “my little butterfly's light will someday shine so bright” “Where did that come from” sometimes I forgot that there were things Amanda didn't know “my grandpa used to say it to me and one time Amber overheard she thought it was cute actually she put it in my yearbook every year.” it felt weird laughing at something that had happened with Amber when it was possible I would never see her again. Amanda let out a little kind of giddy laugh “we're in I don't know what word it was that was actually the password but whatever it was it worked.” I let out the breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. “One step closer to getting this over with” “Oh my gosh! She left us messages!” “What” I shrieked and swerved the car “V, eyes on the road.” Amanda told me, only half joking. “Well you can't drop a bombshell like that and expect me not to react” I defended, it felt like old times teasing each other “You just keep your eyes on the road and I'll listen to my message first. Uh” she paused “My headphones are in the glove box” I told her realizing what she didn't want to say. The message wasn't for me to hear.
Donning the headphones I tried not to look at the hurt expression Vanessa was trying to hide. If the screen hadn't specifically said that under no circumstances was I to let Vanessa listen, I would have had no problem letting her hear what Amber had to say to me, at least until I heard it. “Amanda I know you think I'm going to tell you some big secret to help you solve this thing but I'm not.” At that part Vanessa tapped me on the shoulder to tell me we were home and I carried the laptop in the house. “What I will tell you is this: we are basically pawns in a plot, a plot to get Vanessa. The people I am with won't let me tell you anymore while you are in contact with her, I need you to change the password so she can't access it until she is ready” Through out the whole thing pictures appeared on the screen, they were of us but most of them I hadn't seen before. In the ones that I had seen there were people circled in red marker, it was the same people in all of them. “When she opens it they will come after her and Amanda be ready because: you're next” The last words appeared on the screen in red lettering I took it back to the document page so that when Vanessa opened hers she wouldn't see it. “Um V” I tried to get her attention without making her jump. “you're done?” she asked. “yeah it's your turn.”
As I put on the headphones part of me was worried about what I'd here and part of me was worried about what I wouldn't. I braced myself to hear her voice and the accusing note in it but that isn't what I heard. Music flowed through the headphones, songs I loved but I couldn't pretend that I wasn't disappointed. Even as the words appeared on screen I wasn't fully aware until the pictures started. Pictures of Amber, Amanda, and I. Some we took and some I didn't recognize that looked as though other people had taken them at random times for years. When all the songs ended I exited out of the program and saw the words your next in big red letters. I screamed before I had time to think about what it would cause, Amanda came rushing into the living room with a pan of some kind raised over her head. “What is the problem” she yelled. I showed her the computer, after I pressed play and the threat disappeared, now the screen read give god what’s right not what’s left. “amber always liked scavenger hunts” I said distracted by trying to get my heart rate down again. Amanda looked confused and…..relieved at what I was showing her, I wondered if she had seen the title of the file because it said Amanda-message. “That makes no sense Amber was never really involved in a particular organized religion” The first thought I had was that maybe now she would realize how I felt having nothing ever make sense but I knew I wasn’t actually mad at her. “It’s just like I said a code” I turned the computer back to myself. “what church has the theme or saying ‘give unto god’ or whatever?” Amanda thought about it for all of two seconds and then answered me “that is the (insert name here) church.” “Ok lets go” I said already picking up my keys. “where?” Amanda looked genuinely confused, to the church”,
I said it with an uh-bah-duh tone to my voice, but that didn’t stop her from still trying to be the voice of reason “Vanessa first: there are hundreds of them and we don’t know which one she was talking about. Second: we can’t just go wandering around a church in the middle of the night.” I stopped gathering my things “Look first” I said mimicking her words “it’s this one” I pointed to it on the map I had pulled up on the computer “and second: you got me into this to begin with” I knew that technically it wasn’t true, my grandpa had gotten us all involved in this “I didn’t know you would start going off on a…on a treasure hunt” I knew what she had started to that she hadn’t known I was going to go on a wild goose chase and the truth is she was right I could feel that it was pointless but I had to know I had tried. Something in my face must have given me away because she dropped the subject simply saying “I’ll drive”. On the way to the church I couldn’t get rid of the idea that something bad was going to happen. A feeling of foreboding had settled over me as I had seen the words on the computer, how could she not have told me. All the old insecurities about Amanda and Amber just stringing me along invaded my thoughts, I tried to push them back with the thought that nothing bad was going to happen.
“The Girls are smart we can give them that.” My bodyguard didn’t elaborate on what he was talking about, he didn’t have to, they had taken the laptop with them effectively making any attempts at retrieval likely to compromise the plan. Whether it was a conscious safety procedure or they had just wanted to study it more was the real mystery. “Why don’t we have audio? Shouldn’t I be able to hear what they are saying?” “We are trying our best to get audio but it complicates things to have them where we are trying to put the mics and cameras. Does that make sense?” I didn’t miss his condescending tone, or the fact that the look on his face was saying he really didn’t care if I wanted audio it only mattered what his bosses thought, but I pretended to. If I had to play the part of an insignificant idiot to get what I wanted then that’s what I’d do. “Why didn’t you do it while they were at the funeral?” That made him laugh “Bugging there house and car while they are at their friends funeral, now that’s just harsh” As he said it he started the car having guessed that it was a far enough distance that the girls wouldn’t figure out they were being followed if they decided to check which everyone doubted they would do. “Why don’t we bug their house now then?” it was a reasonable question even if the big boss had ordered for the girls to have someone watching them at all hours the organization was big enough to have others bugging the house. “We have other plans right now” that was a new development and I couldn’t resist asking about it “like what” He flashed a smile at me “We are going to raise the stakes” I felt like screaming at him “ this isn’t a game, there are things going on that your little pea brain can’t even begin to comprehend. One wrong move and the girls will figure out everything” but I was supposed to not be important so I just kept quiet.

Bleh

Gallagher girl four is coming out soon and I just put a countdown on my phone (I actually went on my calender and on every day from now till it comes out I put the number of days left.) I think it would be fun to go dress up when it comes out like people have done for Harry Potter and Twilight (I already have a costume.) I went to look at my other fake blog that I made and I saw that there was a comment and it took me a while to realize that it was me and that I had put it there using the type of words that I see on other blogs (mostly Ally Carter's) that is how blonde I am. I also decided that I want a nickname because everybody else I know has at least one nickname that they are called a lot and I don't have one (this I realized after going through old facebook notes) I am trying to come up with one but the problem is you aren't supposed to give yourself a nickname other people are supposed to give it to you, and you can't really go up to your older brothers and say "Hammy, I want a nickname" because then they will give you a stupid one that you hate. (Hammy isn't actually my brothers name, it's just a nickname)That is why I titled the post "Bleh" cause I feel kinda bleh today, so I'm going to do something else to try and get out of my funk

Camping

I went camping with my family over Spring break (obviously by the post name) and everything was going good, we had some trouble getting up the hill that overlooked the campground but we made it work, we all had sand in our shoes,Everybody had sunburns, It was fun having Abby visit. Then on the second day Cinderella and I went to go hang up signs (which were actuallly just paper plates) so that the other people coming later would know where to go and so they didn't have to go up the hill. We took the go-cart we were borrowing from my other brother who wasn't there, Cinderella was driving and was in the passenger seat. It was a pretty even ride there were some pot holes but nothing to bad we had gone far enough to hang up all the ones that we needed to, I suggested we go farther so that we could check the signs we had put up on our way up the day before and because Cinderella and I hardly ever get along, I didn't want to go back to camp again where she treats me like crap. She said we should probably head back, so we did (she was driving what could I do). We were about 1/4 of a mile away from camp when the go-cart ran out of gas. I suggested pushing it back to camp (it's not all that heavy) but Cinderella said no and she ran back to camp to grab the gas can. Then my brother Shang(:P) and his wife Mulan came up on the four-wheeler that they had been riding, I told them what happened and they rode over to help her get the gas can. They came back and I unscrewed the cap on the tank, by this time Cinderella was back and so she filled it up, we both made sure it didn't drip. After screwing the cap back on I went to sit down, with the gas can on my lap. Cinderella grabbed the screwdriver (to start it you have to use the screwdriver) apparently something ignited because the next thing I know the go-cart is on fire. Shang is Yelling at me to get out, I don't actually remember him saying that, all I remember is knowing that I had to get out. I grabbed the gas can and got out along the way my foot got stuck, I wanted to yell out that my foot was stuck but thought it would make me seem like a baby so I got it unstuck and backed away from the cart. Shang got on the four-wheeler and rode back to camp to get out his fire extinguisher from his truck, then he came right back. Abby noticed from camp that something was wrong, and looked over, and saw the smoke she grabbed the shovel from the ground and ran over. Shang got it out using the extinguisher but something else ignited. Mulan had seen a bucket earlier. So she ran and grabbed and filled it up (thankfully our campsite had a cow feeding place about 1/4 of a mile away) so using the bucket and the shovel that Abby kept filling with sand they got the fire out, while Cinderella and I just stood there. Everybody started pushing the go-cart back to camp, except Mulan who rode the four-wheeler back so it wasn't just sitting there and me who just slowly walked back. When we reached camp various people went to go tell mom what happened, not me though. Brave strong (hah!) me went into my tent and started to cry (that isn't exactly true, I had been crying for a while but I had sunglasses on so nobody noticed) I bawled. The stupid part is I am such a baby.....I have no reason to cry the only thing that actually happened was my hair got singed ooh thats a real basis for sobbing. Later I pretented that I was fine and it was no big deal (I even tried to laugh it off) I even went to look at the damage with Mulan, and seeing the seat where I was sitting almost sent me into tears again. Cinderella's seat looked fine, mine was destroyed. It probably seems stupid that I am putting this here like this but the thing is I just need to get this out I was terrified and I heard how weak they were calling me: Shang said that he thought I was crying in this voice like it was a federal offense, my mom said that she was suprised that I didn't have nightmares that night, everybody was teasing me saying it was my fault, even worse than saying that it was my fault them teasingly talking about how I got out of there really fast with the gas can (that isn't what I remember). I am so sick of this seeing a freaken go-cart on fire basically sent me into a panic attack, what would I do if something really bad happened to me?

Hi

Hey everybody in my made up blog world. I'm the mia maids pres. in my ward, it probably helps that I am the only mia maid but..... It is almost easter and spring break, my older sister "Abby" is coming up for spring break and we are going camping at an undisclosed location. I am making a book for Mrs. P with "Liz" I plan on having it be the first one I finish and I have to finish it, not for me but for her. She is the most amazing teacher I've ever had and I want her to know it. The deadline for that poetic power I most recently enterd is April 13 and the winners for the one before that should be chosen soon. I have so far entered three poems in their contests. I am so bored and boys keep looking at me. "Anna" is pregnant. by the way for anybody in my made up blog world who doesn't know these are book characters. I just made a new blog that is totally fake so yeah you will understand if you read it once I've posted.

Update

I haven't posted in a while so I am going to. The other day I got on and saw that Ally Carter had posted the cover of the new gallagher girl book It's called only the good spy young. I freaked it was so awesome and it showed more of the model's face so I'm kinda wondering if she's going to show more and more and then on the last one have it show the whole face that would be cool. ummm what else oh liz's birthday is tomorrow and I have her gift already plus more that I'm not going to post because she reads this. I got on to triond which is where I have my first little part of one of my stories published and its says I have 0 veiws and 0 likes that is seriously sad. I babysat my nephews on Friday. Oh the other day I cried in Drama the other day, and figured out why my scene is kinda lame: I'm the only one taking it seriously. My favorite teacher called me one of her favorite people so that was nice. I had the weirdest dream last night it was like random meshing of NCIS and my life so I have my poem for the day done. "If I could turn back time, I'll tell you what I'd do. I wouldn't go and right a wrong or say yes where I've said no. I would simply go and see again the dreams that I've forgot. See things happen for a reason and meddling in them is wrong, but as everybody knows dreams are the wishes of your heart, the window to your soul" Oh by the way I'm doing this thing where I write a poem a day for a month and if it goes well I'll continue it. I need to go something smells good in the kitchen. Oh before I go what is with cartoons like Disney some of them have pants others don't and like in garfeild why is it that the cats can talk but Odie can't?

Update on Chameleon

SO it is close to Christmas I am totally excited but I'm also kinda sad see my student teacher for Drama leaves today so I'm not going to be able to see her everyday anymore. Also I kinda want to perform at my school's Christmas assembly but I'm not sure if my partners do and the teacher has to choose which groups and there are tons of really awesome groups my only hope is that they will decide that the other scenes have inappropriate materiel (like kissing) and that they will choose us but I know the odds of that are slim to none and it seems mean to think about it like that. I have finished reading all the Percy Jackson and the Olympians books in a week and had a cool idea for a similar series. A freaken' HUGE spider just ran past my desk and there it is again ewww creepy! I realized my old crush is a total Jerk and yeah so what else let me think...........I have an annoying cold that won't go away. I am auditioning for a play on Tuesday and am totally nervous cause its a musical. I am watching Red High Heels and trying to ignore the idiots in my class. Now Wild at heart Next I'm going to try and find some Taylor Swift Christmas songs. "He kissed her she said mister take an inch and I'll give you a mile" " 'Bout midnight he tells her I ain't got no come on lines. well I love you or I'll try to We ain't got nothing to lose but time" "That rebel moon is shining those stars burn like diamonds" I love country music!!!! I am bored and now I'm listening to Lady Antebellum need you now its so pretty (cause you all want to know what I'm listening to) I wish nobody else was here I really want to sing along but that would be embarrassing. Now Toby Keith love me if you can. I keep getting distracted from the song I really want to hear "You may not like where I'm going but you sure know where I stand hate me if you want to love me if you can" "I stand by my right to speak freely but worry about what kids see on TV" Now Broken from Toby Keith's Movie Broken Bridges. I love that movie. Are you sensing a pattern here? I can't find my purple notebook which has the story that I want to write in it. I just wrote all the words to broken. Oh yeah ULC was so much fun and my friends made me dance with two different guys one I was in real dance position with because I was in ballwoom for years and so that is normal but his hand on my back kept going lower and lower (creepy much) then my friend literally dragged me over to this hot guy and shes like will you dance with my friend and hes like sure then he didin't ive me time to do dance position he just put his arms around my waist and started dancing cause I was to busy mouthing the words "you are so dead" to my friend at least his hands didn't go down to low. I was so red. There was so much more that happened but it takes to long to talk about before I went my mom told me that I had to participate and that she would be able to tell whether I did or not but I don't think I'm acting different. Now I'm going to stop trying to multitask and just listen to music. Bye

Update

AAAAh! GG4 comes out June 15 2010 AAAAH! Ok freak out over right now I just got my email saying my story is published you can go read it here http://authspot.com/short-stories/secrets-chapter-one/. It is almost thanksgiving break and I'm going to see new moon tomorrow I am so excited for everything and I really want to write some poems about thanksgiving and maybe read them on thursday or put them on facebook. I am also trying writing poems that don't rhyme. Nothing else is really going on at least not that I can think of oh wait my group in drama split into two groups so I get to do a scene from charlies angels with two of my friends it should be fun that is all. Bye

My first hug

So you want to know how jaded and nieve and invisble I am, Your about to find out. Today I was in Drama and our student teacher wasn't there yet cause turned out she forgot, anyways my class started a game of Freeze (FYI Freeze is a game where to people go to the middle of the room and have to act out a scene using improv. when somebody wants to go into the scene or just change it they say freeze and tap one of the people on the shoulder they then have to get into the same postion the other person was in and make up a new scene. it's a lot of fun and gets you out of your bubble) so we were playing and I had gone up a few times which is totally unusual cause I usually just sit in my seat but I was feeling outgoing today or maybe just not as pressured cause both the teachers were gone so I said freeze and went into the scene, then this smokin' hot guy named, well I'm not going to tell you his real nam efor embarrassment reasons, "Jesse"said freeze and took my scene partner out we had both been sitting on the floor pretending to be at a slumber party talking about boys which is probably his inspiration for what happened nest cause the words out of his mouth were "so there's this boy" oh my gosh I totally wanted to say there can't be a boy you are to hot to be gay that would just be horrible to take away such a smokin' guy from the female population, But I didn't I just went along with the scene so eventually somebody said freeze and we took him out of the scene later he said freeze when one girl was standing and another was kneeling and he took out the kneeling girl then pretended to be proposing, it was so funny. Later I had been in a couple of times and had fun so I wanted to go in again without thinking about it I said freeze, "Jesse" had been pretending to be posing for a painting and it gave me an idea I acted like his girlfriend and started saying things like I'll be waiting for you when you finish the race so then he runs like five feet and pretends that he won the race and then he proceeds to hug me. It wasn't even awkward but I was totally embarrassed I'd never hugged a guy unrelated to me. Then I totally blushed and as soon as the bell rang I texted my mom to tell her that I hugged a boy how lame is that. So yeah oh and as for my invisbleness I was in my sixth period and was sitting by a friend in that class when the girl who sits across from her who is in like four of my classes says "what are you doing here you aren't in this class." So yeah I'm blushing and invisble a great combination

Bored, Bored, BORED

The Second person in my class to finish the assignment, actually we finished at the same time but the teacher went to the other person first cause he was closer. I was reading a book last night called "Let It Snow, three holiday romances" it was so cute and totally made me blush I love books that do that (not that its hard to make me blush it totally isn't) I sound like a freaken' cheerleader with all the totallys and likes I use FYI I don't really talk like that (I think). I'm listening to still in love with you by the Jonas Brothers. So my great grandma is now in an old folks home and we did all of our holiday traditions with her so we have to rethink it all and come up with new traditions so far we decided For thanksgiving we are going to Andy's and Mimi's house and we might go bowling (I know random) For new years we might go to Nevada an don Christmas day we are going to my aunt Jackie's, So I have no idea what I'm doing for Christmas eve how sad is that. In my drama we are starting scenes and of course I got put with the people that are worse than me in the not-going-to-actually-act department so I am going to do the all the work and the scene we got I'm not really a big fan of so on top of getting them to act I have to find either a four person scene or two two people scenes thankfully I have a list of plays to take them from so and since I'm the one doing it I know I will like the scene(s) and if they don't thats to dang bad, Another problem is two of my sorta friends are in my group and so if we do two people scenes I don't know who to do the scene with. I am so excited/terrified for ULC and I am crossing my fingers that it will go well, now I am going to finish ranting and find something else to do so Bye